Losing my Mum to suicide

My name is Christian Fairbrother, I have been a Funeral Director at Rosedale Funeral Home in Diss for 13 years and I lived in Eye with my family for 24 years before moving to Diss. I wanted to share my story of how my wonderful mum took her own life at home on Wednesday 27th October 2004, aged 54 years, and I still remember it like it was yesterday, even though it will be 20 years in October.

She had always suffered from severe post natal depression since my birth in 1974, and was prescribed daily medication to help stabilise her depression. In the weeks and month that led to the events leading to my mum taking her own life, she changed, she stopped taking her medication, she would hardly leave the house, and when we visited, she looked terrified as if we were total strangers! She was taken to the doctors on several occasions, but they did nothing at all to help her.

If you knew my mum prior to this, you wouldn’t had known anything was wrong, she put a very good front on things. She did this on the day she died, she got up, got dressed, did her hair and make-up and said she was feeling much better and told my dad to go to work and that she would be fine.

He tried calling her later with no reply and rushed home, not finding her indoors and found that she had hung herself from one of the roof beams in the garden shed with one of his leather belts. He cut her down and desperately tried to resuscitate her, but to no avail, the paramedics pronounced her dead at the scene.

I still remember receiving the call from my wife while I was at work, feeling sick to the pit of my stomach like the bottom had dropped out of my world, having too much time to think on the journey from Ipswich to the NNUH, my thoughts were running wild, hugging my wife at the hospital and just screaming and crying, this wasn’t real!

Following her death things were hard for us all as a family, I struggled sleeping at night with constant nightmares, leaving me feeling tired and rundown and struggling to cope at work and with the Coroners involvement, postmortem and subsequent Inquest in to mum’s death, all took its toll on us all. I found it was very difficult to talk to people about what happened without getting choked up and upset. At the time I felt embarrassed and a little ashamed of what had happened because of the stigma that is attached to a death by suicide; people were very quick to judge without knowing mum’s full story, even good friends and neighbours where we lived, which was horrible.

Mental health issues now make the news every day, and I’m sure that if you had known my mum; you would have known that she would have not have been capable to have done what she did, she was struggling with her own mental health issues and demons inside for many years, and she couldn’t see any other way out, other than doing what she did to bring herself peace; even with the love, support and care of everyone around her.

So please don’t struggle in silence if you have been affected by suicide.

At Rosedale Funeral Home we offer specialist training to professionals as well as our Support after Suicide group which runs on the second Monday of each month at Harleston Community Centre. There is also a free resource book called ‘Help is at Hand’ to guide you through your emotions and provide practical support from those who have been bereaved by suicide.

For more information, please contact lucy@rosedalefuneralhome.co.uk or call our Harleston Branch on (01379) 853999.