Recipe of the Month – June

Stuffed Peppers

Ingredients:
1 large red, yellow or orange pepper (any colour but green)
1 tbsp flavoured couscous (salmon option) OR 1 tbsp plain couscous
(anchovies option)
5 anchovy fillets taken from a tin or ½ portion of fresh salmon
1 classic round tomato
1 level tsp crushed garlic
1 level tsp crushed ginger
Salt and pepper
1 tsp dried tarragon (or herb of choice – Italian mixed herbs for example)
Squeeze of lemon juice
Splash of walnut or sesame seed oil (each will give a slightly different
taste)
Grated cheese to taste
You will need: One ovenproof baking dish

Method
1. Preheat oven to 220°C/200°C fan/Gas 7.
2. Wash then halve the pepper lengthwise; de-core and remove the seeds.
3. Soak the couscous in 25ml of boiling water and stand for 2 mins.
4. Drain the oil from anchovies and chop – or cut salmon into smallish
pieces. De-skin the tomato. Chop and place in bowl.
5. Add the couscous, garlic, ginger, anchovies or salmon, seasoning
(omit salt if using anchovies), herb of choice. Mix.
6. Place the pepper halves in the baking dish and fill each cavity with
mixture. Add lemon juice and a small splash of oil.
7. Place in a pre-heated oven and cook for 25 to 30 minutes or until
the pepper is tender.
8. Add the grated cheese and cook for a further 10 minutes.

Tip
You can buy packs of couscous with added flavours such as Tomato and Basil
or Lemon and Mint.

Cooking for One – a collection of recipes and stories written by the bereaved offering wisdom, insight, love and hope.

Cooking for One contains no platitudes about what a great healer time can be, it is a candid account of the raw pain and utter loneliness that grief can bring about. Those who have opened up about their grief have told it as it really is, not what they think people want to hear. They tell you what has helped and the lessons that they have learned along the way.

So, as well as containing delicious recipes, Cooking for One aims to serve as a personal handbook designed to help the bereaved navigate their personal pathway of grief. Despite people telling them that they ‘really ought to be getting over the worst of it by now’ – and however much they appear to be outwardly coping – perhaps the pain will never fully fade and nor would they wish it to.

Donald’s Story

Sylvia and I met at a dance in Cirencester in March 1957, two days after her nineteenth birthday. We were together for over 60 years and married for nearly 59. In the first 30 years, Sylvia did the cooking, whereas I took over that role for the remaining 29 years.

Regrettably, Sylvia had a whole range of ailments from an early age. She developed TB when she was 12, causing her right hip to become fixed. This caused her spine to bend in later years. Because of the fixed hip, an extra load was placed on her left hip, requiring an artificial replacement when she was about 35. To help with the twisted spine the surgeon decided to perform an osteotomy operation on the right leg – this was successful to a limited degree.

When Sylvia was 37, she was diagnosed as having multiple sclerosis (MS). She was a fighter and struggled through for a further 42 years. We both knew that the likely cause of her death would be swallowing difficulties and chest infections. And, on 17 July 2017, she died in hospital of exactly those predicted causes. Grief has been intense and I anticipate will be so for the rest of my life. It certainly does not get any easier. It is relatively simple to keep occupied during the daytime, but the evenings are terribly lonely. You may join clubs, go to the cinema, and so on, but you still come back to an empty and lonely house.

During her final 12 to 18 months, it was clear that Sylvia was experiencing swallowing problems. Whenever she had these problems, I always checked with her whether she wished for the medical people to be called out, and up to June 2017, she had always said no most emphatically. However in June she decided they should be called.

She was rushed into hospital and there she remained until her death some three-and a-half weeks later.

Sylvia and I had discussed this problem of dying many times during the previous 12 months, and so, mentally, you think you are fully prepared for the final outcome. Believe me, you are not! Initially, I found it difficult to accept that she had died.

Surely, she would come back. I was numb, in a state of shock, of disbelief. Why, oh why, did this have to happen? I felt sure I could have continued to look after her for much longer, but then I realised and accepted that Sylvia had already endured many years of pain and suffering, and it would be so unfair for her to suffer even more. I have felt so guilty at not being able to save her, or of having one more day to tell her of my love and need for her. My early grief was full of passion for the loss of my beloved wife. With time, I find that passion is being replaced by deep and intense emotional feelings.

I have come to accept we are all individuals. No two people can share the same grief and emotions brought on by the death of a dearly loved one. Your grief is yours and mine is my own. Our grieving and emotions may be similar, but they are not the same.

At times, I feel as though I’m in a long dark tunnel and the light at the other end is very dim. My whole life has changed in so many ways. I now accept offers of help, and hopefully, the light will grow brighter. I am fortunate in having good neighbours and a home help who has provided invaluable aid.

Fundamentally, my time spent in the kitchen has not changed at all. I did the cooking for the last 29 to 30 years of our marriage and therefore know my way around that department. However, I find my diet has changed in many subtle ways and still find it difficult to prepare portions for one rather than two people. Freezing the surplus is not my preferred option, but occasionally I do so after preparing meals such as curries.

The recipe I would like to share with you is for Stuffed Peppers. It is a healthy meal, easily prepared, can be used either on its own as a starter or as part of a main dish. The contents can easily be adjusted or altered to suit individual tastes, but the following is what used to suit Sylvia and me.

For information on Rosedale’s bereavement support group, please click here.