Recipe of the Month – August

Smoked Fish Paté

Ingredients:
100g smoked mackerel or hot smoked salmon fillet
90g soft cream cheese (light option, if you prefer)
2 generous pinches of ground black pepper
1 tsp creamed horseradish sauce (optional)
Juice of half a lemon

Method
1. Mix all the ingredients together and blend with a stick blender
or in a food processor.
2. You can add dill, chives or spring onions if you have them.
3. This will keep for five days in the fridge.

Serving Suggestion
I have it for lunch with toast or rye crispbread.

Cooking for One – a collection of recipes and stories written by the bereaved offering wisdom, insight, love and hope.

Cooking for One contains no platitudes about what a great healer time can be, it is a candid account of the raw pain and utter loneliness that grief can bring about. Those who have opened up about their grief have told it as it really is, not what they think people want to hear. They tell you what has helped and the lessons that they have learned along the way.

So, as well as containing delicious recipes, Cooking for One aims to serve as a personal handbook designed to help the bereaved navigate their personal pathway of grief. Despite people telling them that they ‘really ought to be getting over the worst of it by now’ – and however much they appear to be outwardly coping – perhaps the pain will never fully fade and nor would they wish it to.

Margaret’s Story

I have always been the main cook in my house, and as a farmer’s daughter and a farmer’s wife, food has always played a big part in my life.

I married at the age of 19 to my childhood sweetheart; we met at Young Farmers when I was only 15, and we were blessed with three wonderful children. But tragically, in 1974, 19 years into our marriage, David died, aged 43, as a result of a tractor accident. I was only 37 and was left with three children at school and a farm to run. Still, we all sat down every day for breakfast. For lunch, we would always have a hot meal, and supper was cold meat and salad or egg on toast. Sitting down to eat was the time we all communicated together and shared our thoughts and feelings.

I had 15 years on my own and, thanks to bowling, a hobby I started with David in 1973, I was able to go out and socialise after his death. I progressed and rose up through the ranks to become president of England Women’s Bowling Association in 1989, and I went to the Isle of Wight to present the national trophies. There I met Roy, and as they say, the rest is history…

Our relationship blossomed, and we married in 1996 – our respective children were thrilled by the union. We had twenty-nine blissful years together, sharing our passion for bowling, cards and travel. I have been blessed with two wonderful relationships. I never thought I would have another relationship after David, but I know I am the person Roy fell in love with because of the life I had lived, and that was largely thanks to David.

The whole time we were together, although I did 75 per cent of the cooking, Roy always made the salad, and that became very hard for me to do after he died. I try to keep busy, as it helps to pass the time, and I’d thoroughly recommend playing a sport, if possible, or joining a club. It’s important to get outside whenever you can, as well, and enjoy the countryside.

I never say no to an invite, if I can make it.

It is hard when you are invited to parties where there are lots of pairs, but the first time you go is the worst. I meet up with friends for coffees and lunches and try to do one positive thing every day – even if it is just cleaning the brass. I have had a wonderful life with many highs and lows, filled with fabulous memories that I can look back on with fondness, and I am still making memories to this day.

Roy and David are buried together with a space waiting for me in the very distant future.

I have never dropped my standards, and the breakfast table is always laid every night before I go to bed. I eat good food every day and enjoy sharing that food with family and friends, but even when I eat alone, I still enjoy eating good, healthy food. I feel I am worth it; if I don’t look after myself, who is going to do it for me?

I try to eat fish in some form every day because it has so many health benefits, and the recipe I have chosen to share is for a mackerel or smoked salmon paté.

For information on Rosedale’s bereavement support group, please click here.