6. Sarah’s Blog

At Rosedale Funeral Home, we understand that grief is a deeply personal journey, shaped by many different factors. Sarah’s blog is where the many aspects of bereavement are explored —offering insights into how loss can affect us. From practical guidance and reflections on coping with grief, to stories and perspectives that may bring comfort, Sarah’s Blog, and our bereavement support groups in Norfolk and Suffolk aim to support you every step of the way.

Bereavement and Anger

Along with many other strong emotions, anger can be something that those who are bereaved struggle to process. Anger can be felt within the body in physical symptoms such as tension headaches, tight and aching muscles and joints. We may feel irritable, lashing out at those closest to us or people we come into contact with in everyday life.

I am sure we can all recall being on the receiving end of someone’s anger and having no clue as to what we had done to deserve it! From time to time, we all experience strong feelings that we release at the wrong moment towards the wrong person.

Grieving is a complex, confusing process. One minute we can feel desperately lonely, crying uncontrollably with sadness, the next, experiencing gut-wrenching feelings of rage.

We may feel angry at the unfairness of our loved one’s death and cheated out of a future we had planned.

Many people feel angry towards the person who has died because they have been left behind to carry on without them. This can lead to feelings of guilt and shame for feeling this way.

Anger often accompanies blame. We may feel that the medical care our loved one received was not good enough or even negligent. We may blame ourselves that we did not do enough. People of faith may also blame God for what has happened.

When we are grieving it is important to be kind to ourselves. Anger is a normal human emotion and a natural grief response for many people. Anger that is supressed or denied becomes internalised and can often lead to depression.

Working through our anger is an important part of the grief process. The first step can be to acknowledge if we are feeling angry. Next, we can try to identify the source of those feeling.
There are also practical things we can do to help release anger such as:

• Writing a letter to those we are angry with (we may decide not to send it!) many people find it therapeutic to rip up such letters or burn them in the fire.
• We could write a constructive letter of complaint to hospital medical managers in order to prevent mistakes happening again.
• Physical activities can also help, such as -running, walking, gardening, shouting in the shower or punching a pillow!
• Writing difficult feelings in a private journal can also be beneficial. This helps to ‘download’ such feelings from our mind.

It can be difficult to accept that we have little control over life and death. We can be left feeling powerless and helpless. Anger can be a protest against these feelings.

A state of acceptance is not easy to achieve, but it can be the way forwards. Practicing forgiveness and choosing to let go of anger is a daily process for many of us.

It can be helpful to draw 2 circles or 2 columns, label one ‘Things I can control’ (what is within my sphere of influence) and the other ‘Things I can’t control’ (what is outside my sphere of influence.) It might look something like this:

For me, these lists are a daily reminder to let go of anger, stress and frustration and focus only on the things I can do something about.

Rosedale’s bereavement support groups provide a safe, trusted place to talk about bereavement and  be listened to. Call  01379 640 810  to reserve your free place on the next group.